Living in community isn’t a walk in the park. Whether you’ve been at it 2 years or 50 years, it is still critical to

• communicate to build relationships, and
• know your own expectations, and know the expectations of others.

Conflict will inevitably result if we fail to continue to work on these.

The alternative to doing this hard work is to pull back from relationships. I think that is what a lot of North American society has done. We live in our own houses, make our own decisions without consulting others, and can break off relationships when ever we want – divorce, friends, club membership, churches.

And yet, I hear that people wish they had more friends or that they were closer with the friends and acquaintances they do have.

We need to learn how to communicate through and in conflict, and to be able to talk about our expectations.

To do this, I think we need the values encouraged in the Bible:

• commitment to something beyond ourselves – God and his plan for history, awareness that happens through relationships,
• understanding that we mess up and make mistakes, and we need help to change – concepts of sin and salvation, and
• believe that relationships can be restored – forgiveness received by God can be then extended to others.

The reward? Conflict won’t fester into feuds. Unconditional commitment means others will support me when life gets tough. Being known and accepted by others for who we are. Ability to work with others towards a better future.

I think that’s worth the hard work.

Interestingly, I’m finding that adding a second child to our family has not, overall, made me nearly as tired as I thought it might. Mind you, I’m napping when I can and going to bed a LOT earlier these days than I ever have - probably since grade 7 or 8 … maybe even earlier. I [...]

Two kids breastfed on demand. One outing to the Ontario Early Years Centre. One load of diapers in the washing machine. One mother and one toddler well fed and watered. Innumerable diapers changed and bums wiped. Two afternoon naps coordinated and executed without crying or struggles. One mom blissfully sleeping for an hour nestled up with the newborn. Two loads of dishes [...]

Loving this post right now: The Superior Choice. Um, yep!

Today, I ventured out to the park! I called around and made sure that a friend or two would be there first and then bit the bullet … and it went much better than I could have anticipated! Thankfully, it appears that when you’ve got a newborn, other people really help out with the toddler [...]

Well, it’s 3:56PM and my first day alone with two children is coming to a close. I’m considering it a success because both of my kids are still alive A great friend came over for most of the day to help me out and it was a lifesaver! She came over in the morning [...]

Gil is just over two weeks old. Although in some ways it feels like he’s fit right into our little family like he was never missing, in other ways, he is still very new, as are our experiences with him. Gil has an almost constant need to nurse. Forget every 2 hours. Forget every hour. When [...]

… is about to get a whole lot more difficult! The past two weeks, I’ve had some combination of Brad and my mom here with me. An extra set of hands to wrangle Gwen into her coat. A pair of hands to get a snack ready. Hands to hold Gil while Gwen and I enjoy our [...]

To see this article on frequent nursing on kellymom. Gwen ate every 45 minutes. This guy basically never unlatches

Wow, that title seems odd. While I’ve been witness to a few of Gil’s pees and have been able to make the cue sound (’pssssssss’), I’ve never purposefully caught one. Until just now. I’ve read everywhere about how you’re most likely to catch a pee just after a nap, since babies tend not to want to soil their [...]

.. comes once again from the Peaceful Parenting blog. This article, Parenting in Peace has given me some things to think about and some things to strive toward. Go read it!

Happy one week, little man! Today you weighed 7lbs even - a full 4 oz over your birth weight! You seem to be gaining about 6 oz every two days … which translates to a LOT of time nursing you. I don’t mind much, although your big sister is a little jealous. Here are some random [...]

Here follows the birth story of our son, Gil. If you don’t enjoy reading the more graphic details of birth, I’d suggest not reading it Birth Story of William Farrell Schellingerhoudt I woke up on Friday, February 19, 2010 with mild contractions that were beginning to move around into my back. I’d been having strong [...]

I thought I should check-in with everyone and give an update Gil is nursing very well … in fact, he nurses all. day. long. And it’s not just comfort nursing, either. The little guy switches back and forth stimulating letdown after letdown. He burps occasionally and spits up every once in a while, but [...]

Please join us in welcoming the newest member of our family - a son! William (Gil) Farrell Schellingerhoudt was born at home 3:23PM on February 19, 2010. He was 6 lbs 12oz and 20 inches long. I had a FAST labour - I thought I was in labour in the morning, but it had quite the pause [...]

I woke up throughout the night with some decent contractions that were moving into my back, but only woke up about once an hour. When Brad got up with Gwen around 6:45 and she nursed, they moved to every 6 - 7 minutes and were about 30 seconds long. At this point (8:20), they’re every 2 - [...]

Western culture has an aura of optimism. And Western Christianity has it too. I struggle with this when things go wrong in life.

Well meaning people may say: “God’s in control. It’ll all work out.” or “Don’t worry, God will provide.”

Those promises are true, but the optimism of Western culture has imbued a meaning to them which may not be what was intended. Which therefore, when reality is found to work out differently, can lead to a real crisis of faith.

Christians have suffered starvation during famines in Africa. God did not provide food for them. Genocide in Kosovo meant that it didn’t all work out for many Christians there.

Why then do we in North America optimistically tell each other it’s going to be okay?

Many people are finding out it’s not okay and it may never be okay. So what might the promises truly mean? What is really solid at the centre?

Not having a good job or even any job, or enough food or a roof over our heads. Not having health and care when we are ill. Not having things get better instead of getting worse.

Maybe good happen to some, but that doesn’t mean they happen because God kept his promise specifically to them.

What we can count on: God’s love and that he will never abandon us. Evidences of beauty and life in even darkness and pain. His presence will give us strength. Everything will be made right, but only fully on the other side of eternity. God is still in control of the big picture.

Everything that we find good beyond these are truly blessings – to be cherished and enjoyed and celebrated. But let us be careful not to add to the promises of God more than what is really there.

…

Am I way off? Speaking out of my own pain that which I know not? Help me to understand. Tell me your story.

I can’t believe we’re sitting here at 39 weeks pregnant and playing the waiting game. My last trimester has absolutely flown by and it’s crazy to think that in just a matter of hours, I could be holding Love Bug on the outside. I had an appointment on Monday - my blood pressure was 110/70, negative [...]

I just can’t get over her great humour … check out Mama Is’ Wasting My Life in Conversation:

These two handy snack bags took me around 1.5 hours to complete. Finished dimensions are 6.25 inches x 5.5 inches. Aren’t these prints cute??