*Gah! I thought I hit ‘post’ on this post last week, but apparently I hit ’save’. And I was wondering where all the comments were - duh!* I know, I know, I’m a little bit late, but better late than never! My little boy is six months old. SIX MONTHS! Half a year! Where on earth did [...]

Woke up feeling an incredible amount of misery in my legs. I slept well enough though.Headed down to the main lodge for breakfast and found the results for yesterdays race online. I keep ending up in the same place, 33 out of 43 (although only 36 riders started, likely due to the crash the day earlier).My overall (GC) was dead last though, which didn’t help my mindset for the day.Our Crit race was not till 2:15 so we had the whole morning.Cheryl, Suzie and I went out on a bike ride to “spin out our legs”. It was rough. I was just so depleted, every hill was hard and I started doubting if I should even try to race later in the day.I had to think to the verse in Philippians that says “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion…” and I guess I did want to finish what I started, to complete all the stages.It helped having Suzie there to remind me I wasn’t the only one with misery in my legs.We packed up everything and got on the road to go to Burlington, Vermont, where the Crit race would be held, right in the downtown sector. Criterion races are the most spectator friendly races around, and this one was lined with people, some sitting at eateries along the side or just standing. It was a fast course, with 6 corners and some up and down hills.Suzie and I wore our skin suits as they are a one piece riding outfit with no pockets, ideal for fast riding (which is why most people time trial in them).We rode around for about 30 minutes to warm up and get our heart rate up a bit. I couldn’t get it above 176, but I knew that that would change soon enough.Our race started on time and we had 25 laps to ride around. It was fast and I struggled to stay in the pack with the others through the corners and the fast. People were getting shelled off the back and I was determined not to be one of them. It was hard and my heart rate hovered around 190 for most of the ride. I must have proved to be an interesting factor for the spectators, the girl who was dangling off the back of the pack never quite joining the group, just maintaining my distance lap after lap after lap. It was like I mentally felt I couldn't handle being with other cyclists and dealing with their unpredictables in my own state of near exhaustion.I was counting down the laps I needed to survive, thankful for the ibuprofen in my system and the little downhill sections in which I could recover a bit, just enough to boot it up the hill yet another lap.And then it was all over. Apparently about 8 girls had gotten shelled off the back. I was glad I wasn’t one of them. It meant my overall was bumped up and I was no longer dead last.It was hard to get my breathing normal again and my stomach to feel okay. I cycled easy for a bit so my muscles wouldn’t seize up and then got changed at a nearby pizza shop were Chris had ordered pizza for all of us.Suzie was given some prize money for finishing 15th overall, which was cool.We got on the road 4:15 to start our long (9 hr) drive back to Ontario.

I couldn’t sleep on my left side, it was just too sore from the crash, not that I had any road rash worth mentioning. Paulina left in the wee hours of the morning to fly back home. I was sad to see her go. She added a neat dimension to the team, and her 10 years of triathlon experiences was cool to learn from.They offer breakfast here at the Mad River Barn, so I went down for some cereal and pancakes.I was subdued. Just scared of crashing again maybe. There is always this tension of the unknown before a race begins. So much happens during the race it makes for a lot to process.I popped a strong Ibuprofen to mute the pain so I could concentrate on riding without the distraction of pain, at least to a degree.It was a chilly morning. Definitely and arm warmer kind of day.We got driven up to the start of the race, which was up by the Sugarbush ski resort. It was windy and there were dark threatening clouds up above and blustery strong winds. The start was neutral and all downhill. It was freaking cold to just sit on my bike with my teeth chattering. Some people were shaking so bad their bikes were wobbling.Then we got into race mode and things got a little better. I didn’t feel so great starting out since the start of the race was basically my warm-up.The first chunk of the race went fairly smoothly. I hung towards the back of the pack and went with the flow, saving my energy. Incredibly beautiful countryside though, all evergreen tree mountains and valleys and crisp clear brooks (one which is near to where we are staying and makes for a great ice bath area for the legs J).I forced myself to keep putting fluids and food in my system despite the blustery winds and unpredictableness of the pack. It was key to surviving the 110 km.Our feed zone was at 51 km, and then things started getting interesting, aka, hard.The first Queen of the Mountain area was coming up so the climbing started. My muscles were so utterly full of misery from the past couple of days that I really struggled to push through the pain. It was mentally just hard, to keep on. But I have to watch myself, to keep my attitude in check, to press on even when I feel like things aren’t going well, to keep the hope alive. It was a sweet downhill after that, and I love downhill decents, tucking myself in and flying down and around the curves and feeling the wind whip by. It somehow gives me energy and adrenaline to keep on going.I caught some other stragglers and then lost them since I apparently felt a little more comfortable passing the lines of cars and taking the curves with some speed. Then, there was the main group. I caught up to them just as they stopped for a pee break along the roadside. Not feeling any inclination to stop I just went easy and allowed myself recovery as I talked with Suzie, my one other team mate.It went fast. I stayed in the middle of the pack and just rode along thankful I hadn’t given up.Then came the next Mountain climb and I found myself struggling to keep everyone else’s pace so I fell behind. I was able to once more rejoin the group, but only just before the next hill and it was a bit of a daunting one. Never-the-less I went at it and made it up at my own pace, alternating with sitting and standing (uses different muscles). Then came the gravel stretch. A number of girls got flats and had the Sram support give them new wheels to put on so they could continue racing. I was around with the other stragglers, the main pack having put some distance between us.I took advantage of every downhill to recharge and plugged away at the uphills.We went through a town with people cheering us along and state patrol men controlling intersections.I got a bit of a draft from one car, think they were just checking out my speed (which was at the time 43 km/hr). It made me smile to see one girl toss her empty bottle towards a yard sale, a move which might be considered littering, but if it was in a yard sale.... Little things sometimes make me smile (takes my mind off of the cycling mode).Rode alone for a stretch and then latched on to a small group which was soon fragmented on the hill climb. Neutral feed zone (at 99 km) offered me a pepsi, which I took, desperate for some caffeine and sugar to add some pep to my efforts. It was super fizzy though so I couldn’t down much before chucking the can.I did some praying, just longing for God to come alongside and help me to survive. Looking up to the mountains looming up ahead of me I was reminded of my time in Spain when I was at the base of a massive climb full of fear, and with the psalm that speaks of the Lord being my help. I felt like I was at His mercy and in desperate need of the grace to press on despite my feelings of utter inability. I felt strengthened and felt a sense of amazement that the wind was at my back aiding my efforts to press on.I passed a number of men who were from another race, in survival mode, and encouraged one to press on. (We are all suffering together).Then came App Gap, the big climb, at the top of which was the finish.It surprised me that it was not all that steep with all the switchbacks. It was hard in spots and okay in others. At 2 km from the top is started raining. The guy next to me commented on how it would help cool our body temperature down so we could give the finish stretch a good effort. I like that, positive thinking.The last 500 meter was the hardest, it was just so steep (apparently a 23% grade!!) and I was feeling at the end of my reserves with all my muscles screaming for relief. But you know what was amazing, a strong tailwind which felt like it was just nudging me on up that hill. God is good.Then I saw Cheryl there grinning as she held her little video cam. I made it over the line and then it was over. No sign of Chris or Suzie. I headed down the hill, and ended up getting chilled to the bone. Chris picked me up on his way up. I was shaking and more than ready to get into the van under a blanket and get my recovery drink into my system. Suzie was apparently in the ambulance after having crossed the line and getting something of a siezure from her asthma. She was okay though and did well.I have no idea how I placed, how many girls were behind me… I was just extremely thankful that I had, by the grace of God, made it to the top and completed stage 3, and had been able to conquer the fear that the stage held for me earlier. May He be praised.Now I am extremely sore and feel like I could desperately use a massage.One more day, one more race, one more chance to give it all. And it's a Crit.

Had a great nights sleep but felt a bit anxious. The pressures of wanting to do well were taking their toll on me and I could really sense it. It was good to see my other team mates being more chill and upbeat.7:45 we were on our bikes and riding out to the course as a warm-up. The day started out overcast and with a threat of rain but things started looking up when the sun put out it's appearance.Part of the way we got to draft behind the team van, which was sweet, so much less effort to go fast :)This was my race and I was going to give it everything I had. Coach had set my bike up with his fast carbon cosmic wheels to give me an advantage.8:50 we had our roll-out. Things started well enough. I managed to stay close to the front and such. But everything about the day changed...As we neared the first sprint, I was on Suzie's wheel ready for a lead out to the spint and things were looking promising and I knew I could do well, but then a girl directly on my path swerved and freaked out and then went down. Everything happened so fast. Suzie managed to get out of the way, and I didn't... so I went down. It was all very neat for me, I just landed on my left hip and hand. It was more a shock really. However, my other two team mates were not so lucky, and I can still see Paulina on the road holding her wrist and screaming.What could I do? I felt like it was all a cruel joke.I went to my bike, popped the bottles back in the holders, only to discover one of them was broken (so I abandoned my precious fluids), put the chain back on and got out of there. That's bike racing. There were enough other people around to take care of the mess.It's amazing how much energy it takes when something like that happens. I found it hard to eat and drink but knew I needed to. I went into time trial mode and went in pursuit of the main group. Surly there was still hope in the land of the living.I caught them and Suzie was there waiting and worried. Apparently Cheryl had also gone down (something I didn't realize till then). Just talking about what had happened made my breathing become erratic. I knew I had to get right back into the pack in order to survive because I was feeling spent.We got to the feed zone (at about 35 km) and relayed the message to Chris. And then came the hill, and I just didn't have it in me and got popped off the back to climb alone.I don't know what kept me going. It just became a mental battle of replaying events in my head and breathing.I noticed a few other stragglers but seriously wondered if I even wanted to deal with being around other people. I did later join up with another girl who said she was having a bad day. Then the cat 3/4 women passed us. I think they started about 10 minutes after us.I knew I needed water by the time we got closer to the feed zone. We were about 15 minutes behind the main group by then though and my coach didn't realize I had gotten popped so he had to run when he heard me yell for a bottle.Got the bottle and some gel and fluids in my depleted body and struggled up the hill once again but this time with three others.The uphills were hard, the downhills were fast and sweet. I did my share of helping pull and was really struggling to survive at that point. Crossing the line I felt utterly done and sore and ready to cry for the way things had panned out.No Cheryl or Paulina (and tomorrow was the stage which would have catered to their strengths), and my chance at sprinting history. I couldn't help but wondering how faith played out in such a time as this, how my believing there is a God above all this, a God who is able to work all things for good, would change my outlook.I just know I need Him to give meaning to my otherwise meaningless life. I just have a strong sense that it is better to live believing there is a God than living as though there were not.We went to the hospital to pick the injured up. It didn't look like either of them would be racing any more (I believe they would technically need to have completed the stage in order to race the next). Coach was bummed out at turn of events and ready to go home if it would come to that. But it looks like we will stay. And I don't have the heart to race anymore.

Thursday I worked a shorter day, threw my stuff together and headed to my Coach’s place to help load up the team van with the 5 bikes and luggage that we needed along. We got on the road at 3 pm and drove through New York state to Vermont (the most interesting part of the trip being the ride on the ferry where the bridge to Vermont was out for repairs).Me, not being much of a night-hawk it was pretty tiring to a) drive so much and b) be awake until the wee hours of the morning. By the time we got to Waitsfield it was getting on to 12:45. We drove the first course in the dark since we had to start between 9:15 and 9:24 or so (the first stage being a personal time trial).We got to the “Mad River Barn” where we had arranged for rooms. Despite my coaches threats to have me sleep in the same room as him (punishment for registering late I guess… he snores) I was allowed to sleep in the room with Paulina and Cheryl. (Phew).So I got about 5 ½ hours of sleep, not bad, but not great either, especially if sleep is like a drug and enhances performance.No Jim Williams for support on this project, so my Coach has taken on the task of director and the stresses of being our mechanic etc. We were able to ride out to the course, but the warm-up was not the best and I felt like I was in rough shape. My heart rate was getting high and my muscles were like lead, and unresponsive. The course was 9.6 km and more of a hill climb than a nice flat time trial course. We just rode our road bikes. Only a few girls used disks as rear wheels (which enhances performance when going over speeds of 40 km/hr) We all wore our skin suits and used tt helmets though.It was such an incredibly beautiful morning and gorgeous countryside, with rolling green hills and rivers and mountains in the distance.I wanted to enjoy this last stage race, but it looks like I will be resting on grace sufficient this trip, as I really need to in all of life. Oh, to grace how great a debtor Daily I am constrained to be…So how was the first stage?I didn’t feel great and going out there is was rough for the first 7 kms, I felt like I wasn’t able to get oxygen to my muscles and so they were just not able to push.Only the last bit (after 3 girls had passed me (we each started spaced 30 seconds apart)) did I get a bit more able to push. I gave my last blast just before the finish and passed two of the girls who passed me (and in the process maxing out my heart rate). Then it was over.How did I do competitively? Well, out of the 43 girls competing I placed 33. Ouch.Paulina did the best with 9th place.We rode part of the next days circuit race. By then I was starting to feel the heat and muscle drain hitting me. Recovery is going to be crucial these next couple of days if I am going to be able to be competitive, much less, survive.Tomorrow I hope to go for the sprints (a special jersey is awarded to the person who is able to sprint at certain points along the circuit course) even though I know the chances are slim, at this point I would rather try and suffer for it than to simply exist having never tried. The fact that I am here is a gift in itself and an opportunity.

Jean Vanier, in Living Gently in a Violent World, writes of three activities vital to creating community:

1. Eating together around the same table.
2. Praying together.
3. Celebrating together.

Take stock of how much you do these three in your family, in your church community, and with your friends. Then find ways to increase that in the next six months and see whether you are living more gently.

To other cyclists:

• Stop biking on the sidewalk – that’s the most dangerous place to cycle!
• Why are you biking the wrong way down a one-way street? (Although I do this on occasion myself) And why are you doing that at night without any lights on your bike?

To drivers:

• It is safer for everyone if you signal your turn!
• Don’t honk your horn to let me know you are there. I can hear your vehicle from quite far away and your horn is incredibly loud. (All drivers should test their horn by having their kid honk it while they stand in front of the hood. Use horns sparingly around cyclists!)
• Please don’t cut off bikes – you could be delayed by just 10 seconds and go behind me, especially if you’re passing me and then slowing down to turn.

To people:

• Please stop wasting all that water washing your sidewalk / driveway!

I’ve been asked this question a few times lately and I thought I’d share the answer here … None. That’s right - all summer, we haven’t used sunscreen. I know your next question - how many burns have you all had? None. That’s right - all summer, no sunscreen, no burns. Yes, I do own sunscreen. After seeing the Environmental Working [...]

The Israelites of the Bible had these verses of comfort in hard times:

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
[ selah ]
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
(Psalm 46 verses 1-5)

In the past, natural disasters were unexplainable and very beyond the control of people. Many were associated with the whims of fickle gods and minor deities.

If I were to write that Psalm today, I think I’d write it like this:

God is my safety net
always present in my need
I will not worry though my life is upset
and the complex world economy falters
Though employment supports run out
and insurance companies withhold their payments
[ pause to feel the force of these ]
There is peace that flows to make my heart glad
coming from the Creator God of the universe
This peace is for me, and is within me
He is my provider every day.

Due to the lack of internet access this past weekend I have just done a mass post for the weekend of all the events in the order they occurred...Elliot LakeProvincial Road Criterium (aka Crit race)Why they picked the small town way up north to hold the Provincials for road biking, I don’t know. I just know that sitting in a car for 7+ hours is as exhausting as racing itself. I took the Friday off from work to go up north with my team mates to compete.I feel like, if I wasn’t on a team I wouldn’t want to do all this travelling, but it makes coming home again to a settled place all the more sweet.So it was that our team all came together in a small condo in Elliot Lake (all the hotels in the area being booked solid my coach was able to arrange this deal). Sue (Chris’s wife and ex-Olympian cyclist) came along with their kids as well, so it’s a bit of a full house.I was indeed blessed to have a room to myself where I can retreat and recharge when it gets to be too much.Saturday morning was the start of the series of races ( so I spent the night dreaming of the crit race) Us girls had an 8 am start time, so we were out on our bikes at 7 to warm-up before the intensity started.It was a first for me, this crit racing business. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it or not. Basically we had a 1+ km loop around the small downtown area that we did over and over again for 40 minutes, and it was fast. It hardly seemed like there was any let up in the pace. I find it hard to race tactically when my survival mode kicks in. Sometimes I think that I’m just a dummy on a bike that needs to be told what to do from the sidelines in order to snap into it.My heart rate was high. There were attacks going off the front all the time. There were some good corners, but I found them to be fine as I seem to be able to handle my bike in a decent manner.At one point Suzie got me to chase a “winning” break while she held the rest of the pack at a slower pace. It was good, I think it woke them up a bit, even though I wasn’t able to latch on and got sucked back into the group in the end, tired and spent. Then it started raining and things got a bit sketchy. I nearly crashed but by the grace of God was spared such trauma. The last lap three girls wiped out in front of me. I lost the main pack but Suzie and Sara were able to get 5th and 6th place out of the 17 girls in our category (we raced with the masters and juniors as well).That was my first crit, short, intense. It reminded me of a hybrid between a time trial and a road race.We biked back to dry off and recover for the afternoons epic hill climb championship (a 3.5 km course that goes up to a lookout tower which I was able to pre-ride Friday afternoon).
Provincial Hill Climb ChampionshipsRecovery included curling up in my pajamas and sleeping, resting, reading and hanging out with the team.Being out of my routine and in a strange place make the whole concept of change quite different.When 1:15 rolled around it felt like a whole other day, the sun was shining out and it was humid.The start times were posted and us girls were fairly close together starting times so we rode up to the course easy. We had to get our bikes weighed to make sure they were not too light (unfair advantage). My bike was 6.85 Kg… an interesting fact.We were spaced 30 seconds apart to do the 3.5 km hill climb. I was near the end of the line ( I think they based the start times off of the o-cup points, people with more points near the end of the line). I saw the people behind me and wondered how soon it would be before they caught me. Either way, I felt really relaxed, which was a blessing in itself.It was flat some parts and there were some light hills and then came the tougher climbs. I just laid it all out there. It is interesting how just knowing that there is an end to the hardship helps me to endure it, gives me hope. It is hard to gage how well I’m doing. The girl in front of me had since disappeared but no one had caught me, which I was thankful for (the girl behind me ended up dropping her chain and falling hence the fact she failed to catch me. All the girls were up at the top waiting. I was gasping for air at the top and it took a bit for me to feel able to breath normally again.We all rode down together. Then we got the results. Suzie was 3 seconds away from being on the podium, and I was kind of amazed to discover I was only 6 seconds behind her time!! So I got 5th! That was cool. Guess the Catskills did make the hill climb seem less daunting and prepare my climbing muscles.Sara and I went down to the lake and took a cool dip in our cycling clothes before heading home to shower, eat and relax. Watermelon is amazing after riding. Sara was a bit bummed out about how she did, having placed 15th… I could relate, after the mornings ride when I didn’t feel like I did so hot.
Road Race ChampionshipsThe race started at 11ish. The course had been changed from the original one, apparently some people had complained that the original course was too hard. So there were less hill climbs and fewer km’s to contend with (which personally I was cool with, me still struggling to embrace the suffering of a hard course and accepting my strengths and weaknesses for what they are).So we had about 86 km of riding. It was two laps of out and back riding. It was almost boring, the first lap. There were no serious attacks and the people on the front weren’t too crazy about pulling a group around. The one girl who did was spit out the back pretty soon after. Not so smart on her part.I prayed God would give me wisdom, because I still feel like I have a lot to learn. I want to be a smart rider, one who knows where to be, how much to sit in the pack and when to expend energy. In some ways I feel like there is only so much energy in the tank and if it gets wasted too soon r doing the wrong things then, well, that;s it.I couldn’t help but think of how it’s not how strong you are in the race, it’s that you make it to the end.Like Jesus saying at the end of this life, well done, not, oh, looks like you had a great time. There is a sense in which we must be prepared to suffer and struggle, but to endure, there is hope in hanging on to the bitter end.It felt like we were the second strongest team out there. Suzie became the unspoken leader and with her race smarts she analyzed and gave Sara and I pointers and people to mark and follow.I did take a turn pulling, I think the hardest part of pulling the pack is that I realize they are not expending the same amount of energy and the question of how do you get off the front? Slowing down and pulling off to the side. Right-o.I knew this race was important to Chris, and so I wanted it to be important to me (for his sake, for all the work he put into making us the road racers we are). Still struggling to really put my heart into it though (or is that just a fear of failure?)The second lap we had a feed zone which broke things up, and I knew I needed to be up with the break so I pushed myself to get to them, only to have them slow down so everyone else could catch up, which meant I was dead for the hills, it was a struggle to stick with the pack and I went off the back. I somehow made it back though, and knew I was not alone in the suffering (as I saw the one girl get pushed up the hill by her team mate, obviously she had a future purpose for her team, which I saw played out when she did a strong attack with me on her wheel. Back to being in the pack mode. It was good to recover a bit and ingest some gelIt was good being able to be able to think and reason and watch what people were doing, smart moves, stupid ones.It was good having team mates.It started looking more and more like the group would stay together and it would be a sprint finish. Somehow I felt like it wasn’t mine to win. I didn’t have the best gearing for a downhill sprint finish, Suzie did. There was some attack action going on which I was able to get in on. But it took a lot out of me and I nearly crashed rubbing wheels on an off moment, that would’ve been so bad!I settled back into the pack, which seemed smaller, some people must have been shelled off the back.Things got really subdued as we got closer to the finish line. I was near the front, not so smart… then I saw Merrill (a super strong sprinter start her sprint and I knew that was it. I was in the wrong place and I was uncertain about the yellow line rule and so I hesitated, everyone else went. And then it was over and I felt kind of deflated. To be honest I wanted to cry. It was just so hard to put so much into something and get nothing out of it except more experience. I just felt like I let myself down in the end somehow. I placed 11th out of 17. And yet... I had prayed that God would let His will be done, can I not then accept the result? Can I not trust that this too can somehow be used of him for good?Both Suzie and Sara were right there and could have made the podium (as Jim our team mate did earlier in the day winning his Master category), but a it was not to be due to a little contact a the start of their sprint. Sara ended up 4th and Suzie 5th.So, as I stood gazing at the lake, the rocks and trees so characteristic of the area unpinning my numbers I praised God and prayed for grace to accept all things as from His fatherly hand.

Elliot LakeProvincial Road Criterium (aka Crit race)Why they picked the small town way up north to hold the Provincials for road biking, I don’t know. I just know that sitting in a car for 7+ hours is as exhausting as racing itself. I took the Friday off from work to go up north with my team mates to compete.I feel like, if I wasn’t on a team I wouldn’t want to do all this travelling, but it makes coming home again to a settled place all the more sweet.So it was that our team all came together in a small condo in Elliot Lake (all the hotels in the area being booked solid my coach was able to arrange this deal). Sue (Chris’s wife and ex-Olympian cyclist) came along with their kids as well, so it’s a bit of a full house.I was indeed blessed to have a room to myself where I can retreat and recharge when it gets to be too much.Saturday morning was the start of the series of races ( so I spent the night dreaming of the crit race) Us girls had an 8 am start time, so we were out on our bikes at 7 to warm-up before the intensity started.It was a first for me, this crit racing business. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it or not. Basically we had a 1+ km loop around the small downtown area that we did over and over again for 40 minutes, and it was fast. It hardly seemed like there was any let up in the pace. I find it hard to race tactically when my survival mode kicks in. Sometimes I think that I’m just a dummy on a bike that needs to be told what to do from the sidelines in order to snap into it.My heart rate was high. There were attacks going off the front all the time. There were some good corners, but I found them to be fine as I seem to be able to handle my bike in a decent manner.At one point Suzie got me to chase a “winning” break while she held the rest of the pack at a slower pace. It was good, I think it woke them up a bit, even though I wasn’t able to latch on and got sucked back into the group in the end, tired and spent. Then it started raining and things got a bit sketchy. I nearly crashed but by the grace of God was spared such trauma. The last lap three girls wiped out in front of me. I lost the main pack but Suzie and Sara were able to get 5th and 6th place out of the 17 girls in our category (we raced with the masters and juniors as well).That was my first crit, short, intense. It reminded me of a hybrid between a time trial and a road race.We biked back to dry off and recover for the afternoons epic hill climb championship (a 3.5 km course that goes up to a lookout tower which I was able to pre-ride Friday afternoon).
Provincial Hill Climb ChampionshipsRecovery included curling up in my pajamas and sleeping, resting, reading and hanging out with the team.Being out of my routine and in a strange place make the whole concept of change quite different.When 1:15 rolled around it felt like a whole other day, the sun was shining out and it was humid.The start times were posted and us girls were fairly close together starting times so we rode up to the course easy. We had to get our bikes weighed to make sure they were not too light (unfair advantage). My bike was 6.85 Kg… an interesting fact.We were spaced 30 seconds apart to do the 3.5 km hill climb. I was near the end of the line ( I think they based the start times off of the o-cup points, people with more points near the end of the line). I saw the people behind me and wondered how soon it would be before they caught me. Either way, I felt really relaxed, which was a blessing in itself.It was flat some parts and there were some light hills and then came the tougher climbs. I just laid it all out there. It is interesting how just knowing that there is an end to the hardship helps me to endure it, gives me hope. It is hard to gage how well I’m doing. The girl in front of me had since disappeared but no one had caught me, which I was thankful for (the girl behind me ended up dropping her chain and falling hence the fact she failed to catch me. All the girls were up at the top waiting. I was gasping for air at the top and it took a bit for me to feel able to breath normally again.We all rode down together. Then we got the results. Suzie was 3 seconds away from being on the podium, and I was kind of amazed to discover I was only 5 seconds behind her time!! So I got 5th! That was cool. Guess the Catskills did make the hill climb seem less daunting and prepare my climbing muscles.Sara and I went down to the lake and took a cool dip in our cycling clothes before heading home to shower, eat and relax. Watermelon is amazing after riding. Sara was a bit bummed out about how she did, having placed 15th… I could relate, after the mornings ride when I didn’t feel like I did so hot.

Road Race ChampionshipsThe race started at 11ish. The course had been changed from the original one, apparently some people had complained that the original course was too hard. So there were less hill climbs and fewer km’s to contend with (which personally I was cool with, me still struggling to embrace the suffering of a hard course and accepting my strengths and weaknesses for what they are).So we had about 86 km of riding. It was two laps of out and back riding. It was almost boring, the first lap. There were no serious attacks and the people on the front weren’t too crazy about pulling a group around. The one girl who did was spit out the back pretty soon after. Not so smart on her part.I prayed God would give me wisdom, because I still feel like I have a lot to learn. I want to be a smart rider, one who knows where to be, how much to sit in the pack and when to expend energy. In some ways I feel like there is only so much energy in the tank and if it gets wasted too soon r doing the wrong things then, well, that;s it.I couldn’t help but think of how it’s not how strong you are in the race, it’s that you make it to the end.Like Jesus saying at the end of this life, well done, not, oh, looks like you had a great time. There is a sense in which we must be prepared to suffer and struggle, but to endure, there is hope in that.It felt like we were the second strongest team out there. Suzie became the unspoken leader and with her race smarts she analyzed and gave Sara and I pointers and people to mark and follow.I did take a turn pulling, I think the hardest part of pulling the pack is that I realize they are not expending the same amount of energy and the question of how do you get off the front? Slowing down and pulling off to the side. Right-o.I knew this race was important to Chris, and so I wanted it to be important to me (for his sake, for all the work he put into making us the road racers we are). Still struggling to put my heart into it though.The second lap we had a feed zone which broke things up, and I knew I needed to be up with the break so I pushed myself to get to them, only to have them slow down so everyone else could catch up, which meant I was dead for the hills, it was a struggle to stick with the pack and I went off the back. I somehow made it back though, and knew I was not alone in the suffering (as I saw the one girl get pushed up the hill by her team mate JThen it was back to being in the pack mode. It was good to recover a bit and ingest some gel It was good being able to be able to think and reason and watch what people were doing, smart moves, stupid ones.It was good having team mates.It started looking more and more like the group would stay together and it would be a sprint finish. Somehow I felt like it wasn’t mine to win. I didn’t have the best gearing for a downhill sprint finish, Suzie did. There was some attack action going on which I was able to get in on. But it took a lot out of me and I nearly crashed rubbing wheels on an off moment, that would’ve been so bad!I settled back into the pack, which seemed smaller, some people must have been shelled off the back.Things got really subdued as we got closer to the finish line. I was near the front, not so smart… then I saw Merrill (a super strong sprinter start her sprint and I knew that was it. I was in the wrong place and I was uncertain about the yellow line rule and so I hesitated and then it was over and I felt deflated. To be honest I wanted to cry. It was just so hard to put so much into something and get nothing out of it except more experience. I just felt like I let myself down in the end somehow. I placed 11th out of 17.

It’s odd. I’ve had a hard time thinking about what to blog this last week since we came back from our vacation. We spent a week at a cottage in Kincardine, Ontario with another family - our good friends and their two kids, who are almost the exact same age as our kids. We spent a week [...]